After countless generations of searching and sharing wisdom, why does man’s quest for meaning remain so elusive? Or, if we know what we want, why is it often so hard to achieve? What’s missing? Answers are not enough—we also need insights.

Maybe you’ve heard it all before. Heck, you probably preach many of these lessons to your children, and staff, and people at cocktail parties … and wonder why they don’t immediately adopt all your hard-won wisdom. Oh, the pain and frustration that could be avoided if only they’d just understand and act upon what you tell them.

But this isn’t about them. It’s about us. Because we all seem to suffer from a similar problem—we often know what to do … and yet we don’t. We say we want to break bad habits, manage better, live healthier, be more successful, welcome more love into our lives, leap tall buildings in a single bound … and yet we plod along. Sure, we excel at many things, but those aren’t the ones I’m talking about. It’s much more interesting—and beneficial—to focus on where we could use some help.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” —Rumi

Questions about personal and professional growth have been my passion throughout my adult life. And I know I’m not alone. As a boy, I often thought the world was crazy. I constantly saw grown-ups doing dumb and self-defeating things—like smoking cigarettes, eating horribly unhealthy food and drinking alcohol to excess. None of the consequences (whether heartburn, hangovers, heart disease or cancer) seemed to provide sufficient motivation for them to change. I also watched them endure dead-end jobs and miserable relationships.

Why couldn’t they see how restrictive and destructive their habits and choices were? And, if they could see, why did they persist? Why didn’t they choose the seemingly obvious, more intelligent alternatives? Why didn’t they practice what they preached?

Later in life, as I grew into an adult and became more experienced and self-reflective, I gradually understood that I had been right. More accurately, I’d been half right: People are easily influenced, shortsighted, self-destructive and frequently wrong. But I also discovered something much more important and powerful: I was essentially just as blind and biased as everyone else! How could that be?

My experience is hardly unique. That’s why most of us share the same fantasy: I wish I could go back in time knowing what I know now. Such a delicious idea! The heartbreak and humiliation we could have avoided. The fighting and frustration we could have sidestepped. The now-obvious solutions we could have implemented.

So what to do? Many years ago, I set out to find answers, and my book Elevate: An Essential Guide to Life, was the result of that research. Fortunately, as we probe deeper and open up further, we understand more and more. Sincere curiosity—an open heart and an open mind—is the path to enduring growth. And the best answers come from the best questions!

Let’s begin with the obvious: For change to occur, we have to be open to it. And yet most people are not. We tend to be pretty stuck in our ways. As Mark Twain said, “I’m in favor of progress; it’s change I don’t like.” My own experience is that people change when they’re ready … or when circumstances force their hand.

But assuming we are ready to grow, the formula to ascend in any area of our lives—be it athletic, business, personal, or interpersonal—requires two things: awareness and action. We have to understand more, and then we have to act on it. It’s not enough to read an article, or a book, or attend the greatest lecture in the world. Notes are not enough. Unless we truly understand something, and then work at it, we’re not going to get better. This holds true for golf, sales, business management, relationships and everything else we aspire to.

However, while it may sound simple in theory, practice is another thing. First of all, to open our minds and hearts, we have to get past our self-imposed limitations, biases, fears and misconceptions. We have to question our reality.

There’s also the matter of our self-image. We all have a strong sense of how good we are (or aren’t) at this, that and the other thing. If you doubt me, just ask yourself how good of a musician, athlete, dancer, salesperson or techie you are. Note how your brain is quick to provide an answer. And if you try and tell your brain that you’re all of a sudden much better, rest assured it can drag up the files and photos to prove that you’re not. Self-image is a function of our programming and our proof.

If you want to get better, you’ll have to prove that you can do better. That’s when you’ll believe it. That’s when your self-image changes. That’s when you start acting differently because you are different. That’s when you look for new opportunities and show up to claim your due. That’s when you act the part and persevere, because that’s who you now are.

Awareness is the ability to perceive what is going on—or not going on—in the world around us and within us. Awareness is about paying attention, and it pertains to both the conscious and subconscious realms.

Paying attention is proactive. It is a conscious act that expands our consciousness. Attention fosters awareness, and expanded awareness is our springboard to elevated understanding and growth. True attention entails looking, listening and learning without prejudice. Conversely, restricted awareness translates to limited information and diminished understanding, which leads to unnecessary mistakes, stagnation or worse.

This is a journey of self-discovery. It is not just an intellectual exercise. Our essence resides in our body and in our soul, not just in our mind. Therefore, we must go and listen and feel wherever and however we can. We must sense and confront our blockages and biases if we are to be open and grow. And if we allow ourselves to be fascinated, learning comes more easily.

“When you really pay attention, everything is your teacher.” —Ezra Bayda

However, growth and fulfillment don’t just depend on increasing how much information we take in. We also have to consider the validity and reliability of that information. And we need to understand how and why everything fits together.

Paradoxically, too much information can contribute to our becoming less aware, especially if that information is narrow and biased. This is problematic in today’s world, as our options for data, news and commentary expand exponentially, while our viewpoints become increasingly segmented and subjective.

As a result, people tend to seek out and value perspectives that are consistent with their own self-interest, self-image and worldview. Without open-minded discourse and discovery, this self-selection adds to the long list of cultural and political issues that divide us. We take sides, and those sides become more and more polarized and politicized. This is the antithesis of elevated awareness, understanding and growth.

Many so-called problems only arise in the first place because we’re stuck in our perception of the world, and that limited awareness defines our reality. Therefore, a key to opening our heads and our hearts is to question our reality. Upon scrutiny, it quickly becomes clear that we perceive the world through a long list of filters that betray our backgrounds, our experience and our emotional needs, wants and fears.

Having achieved 68 years on this planet, I’ve come to the conclusion that if I disagree with someone about something, I’ve got a 50% chance of being right. After all, they too have a brain. Plus, because they have a different biological and cultural makeup from me as well as a lifetime of different experiences, I probably have a lot to gain by sincerely listening. This attitude is markedly different from my earlier days of waiting patiently for someone to finish so that I could explain to them why they were wrong (apparently, that was how I defined listening back then).

But it doesn’t have to be about right and wrong. In improv comedy, there’s a concept called “Yes, and … ” By acknowledging what the other person has to offer, and then adding to it, we validate their contribution and elevate both the dialogue and the relationship. “Yes, and …” is generally much more productive than “No” or “Yes, but … ” One approach furthers the research as well as the relationship, while the other stops and stymies collaboration.

Nor is this limited to interacting with others. We open up a whole new world of opportunity when our internal dialogue becomes one of wonder. Plus, our anxiety abates when we become less rigid and defensive. Curiosity is the key to expanding and improving our world. When we decide to turn frustration into fascination, everything gets better.

Read about the second half of the equation in my follow-up post, Know, Do, Practice, Repeat.

(Excerpt originally written for Financial Advisor Magazine)