Empathy: A Powerful Treatment For a Divided World

In the midst of a global pandemic, sweeping social movements, and acrimonious political campaigns, it seems the world is more divided than ever. We can see it in the news, on our social media feeds, and more and more in our daily interactions.

So many of the conversations taking place right now are important, which makes it all the more frustrating that they aren’t really conversations. Entrenched beliefs and ingrained biases on both sides guarantee that each will dig in. “Filter bubbles” ensure we’re comforted by information that confirms our own beliefs. So when a discussion begins, it’s not long before it comes to a screeching (and often screaming) halt. 

There is a way to bridge these divides, though. And it’s contained in an ancient admonition: Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes.

I’m talking about introducing empathy into conversations like these. Not only does it give us perspective, it also acknowledges the other person’s position and validates their feelings. And that creates — and reinforces — connection on both counts. I’m not suggesting we have to agree with them, merely that we afford them the same basic respect we want people to give us.

“A kind and compassionate act is often its own reward.” 

– William John Bennett

Empathy is like a muscle – it strengthens with use, practice, and time. As with exercise, building compassion often requires neutralizing old habits (in this case, our tendency to think only from our own perspective) and creating new ones. Empathy is something that rewards us immediately: We feel better right away and so does the recipient.

All it takes is getting out of our own experience – even for just a moment – and trying to understand another’s. Being with them, listening to them, seeking to grasp why they believe what they do. Instead of thinking to ourselves “Why don’t they get it?” we can instead ask “Why don’t I get it?”

This open-minded and compassionate approach may initially be at odds with our compulsion to stand up for what we think is right – or, as is often the case, our need to feel righteous. We can listen to other points of view without giving up our own. It isn’t a zero-sum game.

“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” 

– Ernest Hemingway

If we listen deeply to others, we can learn so much. And in today’s hyper-polarized, us-versus-them world, this approach is practically revolutionary.

By reorienting ourselves toward better understanding what othersthink and feel (and why), a deep vein of insights is tapped. Suddenly, we have access to much more information. Empathy gives us more data with which to assess our world and widen our perspective.

Once the other person realizes you’re sincerely listening to them – rather than looking for a way to prove them wrong – they will open further and share more. And they will respond to you in a similar manner. It’s a win-win-win.

“ Empathy is a quality of character that can change the world.”

– Barack Obama

So why not turn a point of contention into a point of compassion?  Consider disagreements an exciting opportunity to enhance your view of the world and connect to others. Ask questions and be open to the answers. Listen. Don’t try to solve anything in the moment; simply be with the other person and try to better understand their point of view.

If you adopt this approach, I think you’ll find what I did: We don’t have to limit our perspective; we can expandit. If we can accept that there’s still room for us to learn – and that there are benefits to listening to those with whom we disagree — there’s no limit to how much we can grow. And in my experience, there’s no journey more exciting.