Talking Politics: A Fun Foray into Forbidden Territory

Let’s talk about the ultimate pariah of polite conversation: Politics.

It’s an area that’s particularly interesting right now, as the Democratic candidates in the U.S. vie for the presidential nomination versus a controversial incumbent. Most people shy away from discussion of politics – especially in this charged environment — as it can lead to tension and arguments (and more recently, fractured friendships).

Here’s a counterintuitive approach: Talk to people about politics anyway. In fact, jump at the chance!

And be sure to speak with people you disagree with.  The great benefit to a truly open dialogue with someone we disagree with – be it about politics, religion, or anything else – is that it’s a huge opportunity to learn and appreciate other points of view.

I experimented with this during the 2016 election. I spoke to people who supported Hillary

Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Donald Trump, and many others. I had my own opinions, of course, but I wasn’t there to be right. I was there to learn… and I absolutely did! I left those conversations knowing much more about the political landscape.

One of the most important questions I asked in these situations, especially when I disagreed, is: “What am I missing?” Because my intention was sincere, I always received a positive response – no one was offended or put off by my questions. I ended up gaining valuable information and I actually strengthened relationships rather than fracturing them.

So, consider the current candidates. It’s a large group of men and women with diverse backgrounds and differing opinions. Because we’re human, we’re going to be drawn to some and put off by others. The question is: Why? If you seek out people who are especially supportive of someone who is low on your list, you can ask the question. Then, simply open your mind to a different point of view.

The questions you can ask are legion. For example: Do you think the women in this campaign are being treated differently than the men? Is this election the most important of your lifetime… if so, why?

Or: Whose message appeals to you the most? What issue is most important to you right now? Would you rather vote for Booker, Bullock, Bennet, Buttigieg, Biden or Bernie?  (And why are there so many B names in the race?!)  And even though this is a Democratic primary, don’t shy away from talking about Donald Trump.

It’s up to you which questions to ask. But it’s important to note: I didn’t say to start a debate. This isn’t about conflict.

It’s about curiosity.

Just talk. Ask questions. In fact, spend most of the time listening. Because that’s where the gold is.

You’re almost certain to pick up something you didn’t know by having a conversation like that. As the Dalai Lama said: “When you talk, you’re only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you learn something new.”

Unfortunately, this approach is harder than ever these days. With a seemingly infinite number of media channels and outlets, we gravitate to more and more polarized ideologies which only serve to reinforce our point of view. The world becomes a place of the enlightened (us) vs the idiots (those who disagree with us). Targeted marketing, social media, and even fake news further cement this view, and we become progressively more critical and less curious. Ultimately, we can become hateful rather than helpful.

The bottom line is:  You don’t have to agree with someone to understand their viewpoint and grow because of it. Which brings me the next reason to talk to people you disagree with….

Empathy.

If you understand why someone thinks and feels the way they do, you can see the world through their eyes and better appreciate their actions and attitudes. If you open your heart and your mind, you can really make a connection. It’s such a simple thing, and we’re all capable of it. “I think we all have empathy,” Maya Angelou once said. “We may not have enough courage to show it.”

Every encounter with someone else – if we have the courage and we pay attention — is an opportunity to learn, evolve, and connect. Anyone who wants to live a more fulfilled life can adopt an attitude in which life is an open classroom with boundless opportunities to listen and learn – such as this week’s Democratic debates. The more we listen, the better we get!