Turn Frustration into Fascination

 Frustration is like banging your head against a wall – it’s neither pleasant nor productive, and at a certain point, it’s hard to blame the wall. Here’s a different approach.

The word “unprecedented” has been used quite often to describe the current pandemic. That’s true in many ways. As the radio personality Paul Harvey once said, though: “In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.” Hopefully, we can take some comfort in that – to be sure, this isn’t the first “new normal” people have navigated.

Without a doubt, though, frustration is pervasive. Interestingly, we don’t seem to be irritated by the same things. We all feel thwarted and aggravated in our own ways.

So why do some people not get frustrated in situations that we know would irritate us?

You know who I’m talking about. Those people who seem to breeze through life more easily than we do. Like the adage “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade,” these folks have modified it to “When life gives you a quarantine, make quaran-tinis.” They’re not perfect – nobody is – but they seem to make the best of annoying things that come their way.

Are they blind? Impractical? Or… are they on to something?

For years, frustration regularly got the better of me – until one day an idea hit me like a thunderbolt and I saw a much better way of framing irritating situations. Since then, it’s become a mantra for me.

“Turn frustration into fascination.”

Let’s face it: Frustration is similar to repeatedly banging your head against a wall – it’s neither pleasant nor productive, and at a certain point, it’s hard to blame the wall. Whatever the situation, I’m responsible for how I respond and for the meaning I choose to ascribe to it.

In contrast to frustration – which has no positive connotations – fascination conjures up wonder and excitement. It invites us to explore further because we keep seeing more opportunity and finding more treasure.

In addition, the annoyances in our lives can be a remarkable window into our psyche and our soul. That “stuck” feeling that accompanies frustration can, paradoxically, be a portal to becoming free of mental and emotional shackles.

Here’s one powerful tool that helps me accomplish this: Simply asking “Why?” That one-word can open up vast panoramas of perception and self-discovery.

Let’s consider a very common example: Being stuck in traffic and late for an appointment. That situation can make us feel anxious, angry, guilty, and more… in a word: Frustrated. Your car might be moving at a snail’s pace, but your mind swerves into the fast lane on Misery Highway.

I eventually learned to take a deep breath and ask: Why am I feeling this way?  The first answer was rarely helpful – usually something like “Because I’m an idiot” or “Because I never plan properly.” When I went beyond the knee-jerk responses, though, the real treasure revealed itself: What was really going on here? Was it the perceived loss of time? The loss of control? Not wanting to be the first one there?

I’ve found that searching for “treasure” like this is transformational (I’m a bit of an Indiana Jones of Introspection these days – sadly, without the cool hat and whip). A situation that once made me agitated and flustered is now an opportunity for insight. Just like that, “bumper-to-bumper” is now a chance at becoming a better version of myself – Gridlock begets Growth! It doesn’t happen all the time (see: not perfect, above), but when it does, I invariably benefit.

Traffic may not be the dilemma du jour, and you’re no doubt dealing with other areas of pain and punishment. When they arise, I invite you to put on your detective’s hat and search for what the real issue is at the core of your frustration… or the real reasons you made the choices you did. Don’t settle for your first reaction. Dig a little deeper… and in fact, consider enlisting the help of others. They may have insights about you that you simply can’t see.

Frustration is inevitable; Our response to it, however, is not. My suggestion is to choose fascination. When we approach it in this way, we’re turning a losing situation into a learning one.